Ugh. Okay. Dating apps. You do the thing, you swipe, you match, you even survive the first few messages! There’s that little flicker of “Huh, okay, maybe this one’s not a total weirdo.” And then… poof. The conversation just… dies. Like, goes completely flat. Or worse, turns into this super awkward Q&A where you feel like you’re interviewing them for a job you don’t even want them to have.
It’s SO frustrating, right? Especially when you actually thought there might be something there! Why does it happen? Who knows. Maybe they got distracted by a squirrel, maybe they suddenly entered witness protection, maybe they just suck at texting. Could be anything.
But look, while you obviously can’t force someone to be interesting (lord knows, I’ve tried), you can try a few things on your end to keep the conversational ball rolling, or at least give it a good nudge. Think of these less as “techniques” – because that sounds way too clinical – and more as just… ways to chat like a normal, interesting human and see if they can hang. Here are like, 28 ideas I’ve cobbled together from my own experiences and watching friends navigate this mess, on how women can maybe keep those dating app convos flowing. Or at least, try to.
Quick Aside: It Ain’t All On You, Though
Seriously, before we even start, remember this: It takes two people to have a conversation. If you’re putting in effort, asking questions, sharing stuff, and all you get back is “k,” “lol,” or radio silence? That is NOT your fault. You cannot spin conversational gold out of thin air if they’re giving you lint. Knowing when to just cut your losses and unmatch is probably the #1 technique, honestly. But okay, assuming they’re giving you something to work with…
So, How Do We Keep This Thing Alive?
Let’s break down some stuff that seems to help avoid that awkward fizzle.
Stop Asking Boring Questions, Start Actually Digging (Gently!)
We gotta move past “How was your day?” real quick.
1. Follow-Ups Are Your Friend: Obvious? Maybe. But people forget! If he mentions, like, going kayaking, don’t just say “Cool.” Ask where he went, or if he fell in, or what the coolest thing he saw was. It shows you actually read his message, not just scanned it.
2. Get Beyond Just ‘What’: Okay, he went kayaking. But how did it feel? Was it relaxing? Exhausting? Did he have some Zen moment? Asking about the feeling or the experience behind the activity? That’s where the interesting stuff usually is. “What was the vibe like?” works for almost anything – concerts, trips, even just a weird workday.
3. Open-Ended Everything: Yeah, yeah, advice as old as time, but it works. If your question can be answered with ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ try rephrasing it. Start with How, Why, What if… you know the drill.
4. Play the “What If” Game: Hypotheticals are low-key fun. “Okay, random one: what if you could only eat foods that start with the letter ‘B’ for a week? What’s your survival plan?” Silly stuff like that breaks the monotony.
5. Low-Stakes Debates: “Alright, settle this for me: Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?” “What’s the most overrated tourist trap people actually love?” Stuff that lets him have an opinion without starting a real argument.
6. Remember Stuff!: Did he mention a big work presentation last Tuesday? Or that his dog had a vet appointment? Asking “Hey, how did that presentation end up going?” later on? Shows you pay attention. It’s surprisingly rare and makes a big difference.
Share Your Own Stuff! (Don’t Be an Interviewer)
Seriously, if you just ask questions, it feels like an interrogation. You gotta put some skin in the game too.
7. Drop Little Day-to-Day Bits: You don’t have to wait for him to ask “What did you do today?”. If something funny or weird happened on your commute, or you tried a new coffee shop, just toss it in! “Ugh, my train was chaos this morning, BUT I discovered this amazing little bakery…” Makes it feel like a real chat.
8. Talk About What Lights You Up: Briefly mentioning something you’re genuinely excited about – learning guitar, planning a trip, even just a TV show you’re loving – brings energy. People are usually drawn to passion.
9. Own Your Goofy Moments: Did you totally burn dinner last night? Walk into a door? Share those little relatable fails! It makes you seem way more human and less like a perfectly curated profile. (Maybe skip the major life dramas right away, though.)
10. React Like a Real Person: Instead of just typing “lol,” maybe say why it was funny. “Haha, that totally reminds me of this one time…” Or if he says something interesting, show it! “Whoa, I actually never thought about it like that before.”
11. Connect the Dots: When he shares something, try to link it, even loosely, to something in your world. “Oh, you went to [Place]? My friend just got back from there and loved [Thing].” Keeps the conversational threads weaving together.
Just… Be You (Easier Said Than Done, I Know)
Trying to be someone you think they want is exhausting and never works long-term.
12. Banter If You Banter: If you’re naturally sarcastic or like a bit of playful teasing, let it show! If he can’t hang, he’s not your person anyway. (Just, you know, maybe start gentle.)
13. Emojis/GIFs – Use Your Judgment: Sometimes they really do help get your tone across when text feels flat. A well-placed GIF can be hilarious. Just don’t have entire conversations in emoji, okay?
14. Shared Humor is Gold: If you find out you both love The Office or have the same favorite weird meme account? Run with it! Inside jokes, even tiny ones, build connection super fast.
15. Point Out the Weird Stuff: If you notice something funny or quirky about the world (or even about the dating app experience itself!), mention it. Shows your brain works in interesting ways.
16. Seriously, Just Be You: If you’re a giant nerd about Star Wars, or really into pottery, or obsessed with your cat… let it show! The right person will find your specific brand of weirdness endearing. Faking it is too much work.
Pay Attention & Respond Like You Mean It
This feels basic, but in the age of skim-reading…
17. Acknowledge, Then Add: Before you jump in with your own story or opinion, maybe just a quick “Ah, that makes sense” or “Wow, that sounds intense” shows you actually processed what they said. Small thing, big impact.
18. Maybe Don’t Text While Watching TV?: I mean, we all do it, but if you can give the chat even a few minutes of actual focus, your replies will probably be way better. Less “huh?” moments.
19. Ask if You Don’t Get It: If he says something confusing or uses a term you don’t know, just ask! “Sorry, what does [X] mean?” or “Wait, can you explain that bit again?” is way better than just nodding along pretending you understand.
20. The Dreaded Answer-Stop: Don’t just answer his question and leave it hanging there like a dead fish. Add a related thought, or ask him the same question back, or ask something new! Keep that momentum going.
Shake It Up! (New Topics, Different Angles)
If the current topic feels like it’s hitting a wall… pivot!
21. The Smooth Segue: Find a tiny thread from the current topic and pull on it. “Oh, speaking of weird work stories, that reminds me…” or “Yeah, travel is crazy right now. Actually, that makes me think…”
22. The Hard Pivot (aka The Random Question): Sometimes you just gotta change the channel. “Okay, totally switching gears here, but…” and then hit him with a fun hypothetical or random ‘would you rather’. Can reset a stalled vibe.
23. Future Talk (Low Key): “Got anything fun lined up for the weekend?” or “Any cool holiday plans brewing?” Easy, standard, but moves the timeline forward.
24. Bring Reality In: “Just saw the funniest/weirdest article, made me think…” or “Just got back from [Event], it was…” Connect the chat bubble back to the real world occasionally.
25. Voice Memo Gamble: Okay, this one’s risky and depends HEAVILY on the app and the vibe. But sometimes, sending a quick voice note (like, 15-30 seconds MAX) can add a TON of personality. Hearing your voice makes you instantly more real. Use with extreme caution, maybe after you’ve chatted a bit.
26. Photo Sharing? (Even Riskier!): Again, app/vibe dependent. Sending a pic of your pet doing something dumb, or the disastrous cookies you just baked? Maybe okay if it feels super relevant and comfortable. Tread carefully here early on. Probably safer to avoid unless it feels really natural.
Nudging Towards… Something More?
Because endless texting isn’t the goal, right?
27. Planting the Seed: If you’re talking about something that would be fun IRL, just drop a casual hint. “Haha, debating the best pizza place is serious business! Way better to settle that over an actual slice sometime.” See if he bites. 28. Suggesting the Next Thing: If things are flowing well for a decent stretch (like, more than a day or two of solid back-and-forth), feel free to suggest moving it along. “Hey, really enjoying this chat! Any interest in swapping numbers / maybe a quick call sometime this week to see if we vibe off-app too?” Be direct but low-pressure.
But Know When to Fold ‘Em
Look, all the techniques in the world can’t save a conversation if the other person just isn’t putting in the effort. Seriously, stop trying to keep it flowing if you’re getting constant:
- One-word replies. (Just… why?)
- ZERO questions about you. (Are you dating a narcissist?)
- Days between messages. (Unless they preface it with “So sorry, work is insane!”)
- Gross or creepy comments. (Block immediately.)
- The same boring small talk on repeat. (Groundhog Day is not romantic.)
- That feeling like you’re dragging them across the finish line. (Your thumbs deserve better!)
If it feels like hard work all the time, it’s probably not worth it. Unmatch. Move on. There are other people.
Wrapping Up This Ramble…
Keeping dating app chats from dying is… well, it’s a dance. Sometimes you lead, sometimes they lead, sometimes you both stumble. Using some of these 28 techniques for women to keep dating app convos flowing might help make your steps a little smoother and encourage them to step up too.
It really boils down to being curious, actually sharing bits of yourself, and paying attention. And honestly? Knowing when to just stop trying and go do something more fun with your time. Don’t let the app grind get you down too much. Good luck!
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