Understanding the stat: Why are 63% of men single? Reasons

As a woman navigating the modern dating world, I can tell you firsthand—it’s a jungle out there. My single girlfriends and I talk about it constantly. We swipe, we go on dates, we get ghosted, and we wonder where all the “good ones” are. It’s frustrating.

But a recent, staggering statistic from the Pew Research Center completely flips the script. It suggests that for men, the situation is even more dire. According to their 2022 survey, a whopping 63% of men under 30 describe themselves as single.

Let that sink in.

Compare that to just 34% of women in the same age group. The gap is nearly double. This isn’t just a “dating trend”; it’s a profound social shift. It’s changing how an entire generation connects, or, more accurately, fails to connect. It has everyone asking the same question: Why are 63% of men single?

This isn’t about blaming men or women. It’s about pulling back the curtain on the complex cocktail of technology, economics, and social expectations that created this chasm. We have to talk about it.

Key Takeaways

• The “63% of men are single” stat is specific to men aged 18-29, revealing a massive dating gap between them and their female peers (34% single).
• Dating apps have created a “paradox of choice” for women, who are often overwhelmed, and a high-competition, low-return minefield for the majority of men.
• Women’s standards have measurably risen. With greater financial independence and education, women are prioritizing emotional intelligence, communication, and real partnership.
• Economic pressure is a huge barrier. Stagnant wages, the crushing cost of living, and a fuzzy “provider” role have made many men feel they aren’t “date-ready.”
• A “loneliness epidemic” is at play. A decline in real-world social skills, made worse by online-only interactions, is making it harder for men to initiate and build connections.
• Many men in that 63% aren’t just single; they’re “checking out” of the dating market entirely, feeling the effort just isn’t worth the reward.

Are Dating Apps Actually Making It Harder to Date?

I think we all know the answer is a gut-punch “yes.” But the way they make it harder is dramatically different for men and women.

For me and my friends, opening an app like Hinge or Bumble is like opening a firehose. We are inundated with ‘likes’ and messages. It’s overwhelming. And frankly, most of the interactions are so low-effort. A “hey” or a generic compliment just gets lost in the noise. It’s like sorting through a pile of junk mail.

But I’ve seen my male friends’ phones. It’s a totally different story.

For them, it’s often a desert. They spend hours swiping and trying to craft the perfect, witty message… for maybe one or two matches a week. If they’re lucky. The data backs this up. On Tinder, it’s estimated that the top 20% of men (judged by the algorithm’s mysterious attractiveness score) get seen by 80% of the women. This leaves the other 80% of men fighting over the scraps.

This creates a terrible feedback loop. Men feel invisible and rejected. That makes them either try way too hard (sometimes to the point of “cringe,” as my friends say) or just give up entirely. Women, on the other hand, get fatigued by the sheer volume and the “paradox of choice.” When you have so many options, it’s impossible to choose, or to feel satisfied with the choice you made.

Has “Swiping” Replaced “Connecting”?

The real casualty of the app era is effort. Dating apps have gamified human connection. You get a little dopamine hit with every match, but the match itself feels disposable. Why? Because there are potentially hundreds more waiting right behind it.

I’ve been on first dates where I could feel the guy was just running his script. He was asking me the same “interview” questions I’m sure he asked a different woman the night before. How can you build a genuine connection from that? You can’t.

This environment actively punishes vulnerability. It rewards witty, low-stakes banter. But it provides no real framework for building something real. For the 63% of men who may not be photography experts or masters of the “text game,” the app world is a brutal and demoralizing place. It’s not a level playing field. It’s a stage, and the algorithm decides who gets the spotlight.

Are Women’s Standards “Too High,” or Just… Different Now?

This is the big, loaded question, isn’t it? You hear it all the time. “Women just want a guy who is 6-foot-4, makes six figures, and looks like a movie star.”

I’ll be honest: standards have risen. But it’s not about the superficial stuff. Not really.

For the first time in history, women don’t need a man for financial survival. My grandmothers’ generation had to get married. My mother’s generation was strongly encouraged to. My generation? We’re economically independent. We’re more educated than men—in fact, women now earn nearly 60% of all college degrees. We have our own careers, our own homes, and our own fulfilling lives.

I’m a perfect example. I have a career I love, a great apartment, a strong network of friends, and hobbies that fill my time. My life is full. A partner, for me and for most women I know, is not a requirement.

He has to be an addition. He has to bring something to the table that makes my already happy life even better.

This means our standards have naturally shifted. We’ve moved from “Can he provide?” to “Does he enhance my life?”

What Does “Enhancing My Life” Even Mean?

This is where many men seem to be getting left behind. The “bar” is no longer just “has a job” and “is nice.” The new bar is emotional intelligence.

I remember one date I went on with a guy who was perfectly nice. He had a decent job, he was polite. But the entire conversation was… flat. He had no real ambition, no passions he could articulate. When I tried to talk about something deeper, he just shrugged. He was content, and that’s fine. But for me, that’s just not attractive.

Women are tired. We are so, so tired of being the “emotional specialist” in a relationship. We don’t want to teach our partners how to communicate. We don’t want to beg them to process their feelings or explain how to be supportive. We want a man who has already done that work.

We want a partner, not a project.

This desire for an emotionally mature, communicative, and ambitious (in life, not just at work) partner is a direct result of our own independence. We’d rather be “happily single”—a state my friends and I know well—than be in a relationship that feels like a part-time job.

Does a Man’s Wallet Still Matter ?

This is the uncomfortable truth everyone tries to dance around.

Yes. Yes, it does. But not in the way it used to.

It’s not about finding a “provider” to pay for everything. It’s about finding an equal. It’s about stability and a shared future. With the cost of living, housing, and an uncertain economy, a woman who has her financial life in order is looking for a man who also has his financial life in order.

A study from Cornell University and other research have pointed out that as women have gained more education and earning power, their preferences for a partner’s economic status haven’t just disappeared—they’ve remained strong.

This creates a serious numbers problem.

If a woman has a master’s degree and a good job, she is, by and large, looking for a partner who is her educational and financial equal or (let’s be honest) superior. But because women are outpacing men in college, there are simple fewer of these “eligible” men to go around.

What Happens When Men Feel “Priced Out” of Dating?

For many of the men in that 63%, this is a huge, unspoken barrier. They’re struggling. They’re buried in stagnant wages and student debt, and they feel like they just can’t “compete.”

Dating is expensive. A couple of drinks, dinner, movie tickets… it adds up. That’s a lot of pressure when you’re just trying to get by.

Many men feel they can’t even start dating until they have their career and finances “figured out.” They feel they have nothing to offer. This sense of economic insecurity is a massive driver of that single statistic. They aren’t being rejected, necessarily. They are preemptively taking themselves out of the running because they feel they can’t measure up.

My friend Sarah is a surgeon. She is brilliant, funny, and successful. Her dating life is a disaster. She’s told me that men are often deeply intimidated by her success, her salary, or her intelligence. They either get weirdly competitive or just crumble from insecurity. She, on the other hand, just wants to find someone who is as passionate about his life as she is about hers.

This mismatch is a huge part of the story.

Why Are So Many Young Men Feeling… Lost?

Beyond the apps and the economics, there’s a deeper, sadder current: the loneliness epidemic. And it seems to be hitting men the hardest.

As a woman, my social life is my lifeline. My female friendships are incredibly deep and intimate. We talk about everything—our fears, our work, our relationships, our families. It’s a built-in support system.

From my observation, many men just don’t have this. Their friendships often revolve around activities—gaming, watching sports, going to the bar—but lack that deeper emotional intimacy. This leaves many men socially “malnourished.”

They are also facing what some experts call a “purpose crisis.” The traditional script for masculinity (be a provider, be tough, be a leader) is being dismantled. That’s a good thing. But no one has offered a clear and compelling replacement. So, many young men are just… adrift.

This is where the 63% starts to look less like a “dating” problem and more like a “social” one.

Is “Being Online” Hurting Social Skills?

Absolutely. One hundred percent.

The decline of “third places”—community centers, bowling alleys, libraries, parks, places to just be around other people—means we are all more isolated. For young men, that isolation is often filled by the internet.

This isn’t just about dating apps. It’s about:

• Gaming: Spending hours in a headset with “friends” you’ve never met, in a world that’s not real.
• Porn: Which provides a simulation of sex without the risk of connection or rejection, and can badly skew expectations of real-world intimacy.
• Social Media: Where everyone is projecting a perfect, filtered life, making your own feel hopelessly inadequate.

This entire online ecosystem starves men of real-world practice. How do you walk up to a woman in a coffee shop and start a conversation? How do you handle rejection gracefully? How do you make small talk or read body language?

These are skills. Like any skill, they atrophy without use.

I see it on dates. Men who can be clever and confident over text suddenly become awkward and quiet in person. They can’t hold eye contact. They’ve lost the “art” of real-world, face-to-face interaction. You simply can’t build a relationship if you’re afraid to look someone in the eye.

Are Men Just Giving Up on Dating Altogether?

This is a key part of that 63% statistic that gets missed. We assume “single” means “single and actively looking.”

But that’s not the case.

A large, and growing, number of these men are single because they’ve “checked out.” They’re done. They’ve taken their ball and gone home.

They feel the “game” is rigged. They believe women’s standards are impossible, dating apps are biased, and the reward (a relationship) just isn’t worth the cost (rejection, effort, money). You see this in angry online communities of men who are actively “going their own way.”

They are opting out.

This withdrawal from the dating market is what makes that 63% number so massive. It’s not just that men are “failing” to find partners; it’s that many have stopped trying. They are single by choice—a choice born of frustration and defeat.

Why Are Women So “Happily Single” in Comparison?

This is the other side of the coin. That same Pew study found only 34% of young women are single. But even among that group, the experience of being single is profoundly different.

As I mentioned, my single female friends and I have full lives.

• We invest in our careers.
• We nurture our deep friendships.
• We travel together, we have book clubs, we go to potlucks.
• We go to therapy and work on ourselves.

Single women, on average, report higher levels of life satisfaction than single men. Why? Because women are socialized to build community and emotional connections outside of a romantic partner. Men are often socialized to rely on one person—their wife or girlfriend—for their entire emotional support system.

When a woman is single, she has a safety net. When a man is single, he is often truly alone.

This is why women are so willing to wait. We are not lonely. We are not desperate. We are waiting for someone who adds to our peace, not someone who disrupts it.

So, Where Do We Go From Here?

It’s the brutal, superficial math of dating apps. It’s the economic squeeze that makes men feel inadequate. It’s women’s financial independence and their corresponding (and justified) rise in standards for an emotional partner. And it’s a devastating loneliness crisis, a lack of social skills, and a “purpose gap” that is leaving millions of men isolated and adrift.

This isn’t a “men problem” or a “women problem.” It’s a connection problem.

These numbers aren’t just statistics. They represent millions of individual people—men and women—who are feeling frustrated, lonely, and confused about how to find a partner in this new, strange world.

There’s no easy fix. But the first step is to stop pointing fingers and start understanding. We are all just trying to find our way.

FAQ – Why are 63% of men single