Okay, ladies, let’s have a real chat. Navigating the world of online dating apps can feel like a part-time job sometimes, right? You spend ages trying to find decent photos, then you face that blinking cursor in the bio section. What do you even say? I’ve swiped through more profiles than I care to admit (both for myself back in the day, and yes, okay, sometimes over friends’ shoulders – we all do it!), and you start seeing patterns. Some are great, some make you chuckle, and some… well, some make you want to swipe left faster than you can say “next.”
It’s not about judging, honestly. It’s just that sometimes, with the best intentions, we put things out there that don’t really help our cause. We might be trying to be funny, or honest, or weed out the wrong people, but it backfires. So, think of this less as a list of harsh rules and more as friendly advice from someone who’s seen it all – the good, the bad, and the truly baffling. Here are some common profile pitfalls exposed: 10 things smart women should probably never include if they want to attract decent matches.
Pitfall #1: The Novel (Overly Long Profiles)
We get it, you’re multifaceted! You have hobbies, passions, a job, maybe pets or kids, dreams, favourite foods… But your dating profile bio isn’t the place for your autobiography. Walls of text are intimidating. Nobody sits down with a cup of tea ready to read a thesis on why you’re dateable.
Keep it punchy. Intriguing.
Give enough detail to spark curiosity and show your personality (we’ll get to how), but leave them wanting to know more. Think highlights, not your entire life story. If someone has to scroll three times just to finish your bio, they’ve likely lost interest. Shorter paragraphs and some white space make a huge difference. Aim for engaging, not exhaustive.
Pitfall #2: Extreme Negativity or Bitterness
Look, dating can be frustrating. We’ve all had bad dates or encountered less-than-stellar behaviour. The temptation to vent in your profile (“No drama queens,” “Not here for games,” “If you’re flaky, swipe left,” “Tired of explaining basic decency to men”) is understandable. I’ve definitely felt that urge myself after a particularly weird date involving a guy who thought listing his parking tickets was a personality trait.
But here’s the thing: Leading with negativity is a total downer. It makes you sound bitter, jaded, and frankly, like you might be hard work. It screams “baggage!” even if you’re just trying to set boundaries. Focus on what you do want, not what you don’t. Frame things positively. Instead of “No couch potatoes,” try “Looking for someone who enjoys getting outdoors for hikes or exploring the city.” It attracts positivity instead of dwelling on the negative.
Pitfall #3: The Exhaustive Checklist of Demands
Having standards is crucial. Knowing what you want in a partner is healthy. But presenting those standards as a rigid, mile-long checklist in your profile can be incredibly off-putting. “Must be over 6 foot,” “Must earn six figures,” “Must love dogs but not cats,” “Must want kids eventually but not too soon,” “Must enjoy hiking but not too much hiking”… It reads less like standards and more like a demanding job application.
It can make you seem inflexible, high-maintenance, or overly focused on superficial qualities. Plus, you might accidentally rule out someone amazing who ticks 9 out of 10 boxes but fails on one specific, maybe not-that-important-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things point. Focus on core values and character traits you appreciate, rather than a hyper-specific list of physical or material requirements. Trust me, the vibe check matters more than the checklist.
Pitfall #4: Too Much Focus on Exes
Whether you’re singing their praises (“My ex was great, we’re still best friends!”) or dragging them through the mud (“My crazy ex did XYZ…”), bringing up past relationships in your profile is generally a bad idea. My friend Chloe was telling me just last week about a profile she saw where the woman spent two paragraphs detailing her messy divorce. Chloe’s reaction? Immediate swipe left.
Why? It signals you might not be over it. It brings unnecessary drama into the picture before you’ve even said hello. It makes potential matches wonder if they’ll be the subject of your next profile rant (or comparison). Keep the past in the past, at least until you get to know someone much better. Your profile is about you and your future.
Pitfall #5: Vague Clichés Without Personality
This is the twin sister of Pitfall #1 (The Novel). Saying things like “I love to laugh,” “I enjoy having fun,” “I’m adventurous,” or “I’m down to earth” tells people absolutely nothing specific about you. Everyone loves to laugh! What makes you laugh? Bad puns? Clever sitcoms? Cat videos?
Instead of “adventurous,” mention that time you tried ziplining even though you’re scared of heights. Instead of “down to earth,” maybe talk about your love for gardening or simple weekend routines. Show, don’t just tell. These clichés are profile filler. They make you blend in. Your unique quirks and specific interests are what make you stand out. It just… feels more real, y’know?
Pitfall #6: Misleading or Heavily Filtered Photos
We all want to put our best foot forward, but using photos that are ancient, heavily filtered, or just plain don’t look like you anymore is setting yourself (and your date) up for disappointment. Remember those super high-angle MySpace photos from like, 15 years ago? Today’s equivalent is the filter that gives you cartoonishly large eyes and flawless skin.
Include recent, clear photos that show your face and ideally, a full body shot. Showcase different aspects of your life – maybe one doing a hobby, one with friends (just make it clear who you are!), one dressed up, one casual. Authenticity is key. Confidence in how you look now is far more attractive than trying to look like someone you’re not or were five years ago. Let your pictures reflect the real, awesome you.
Pitfall #7: Revealing Too Much Personal Info Upfront
Safety first, always. While being open is good, oversharing highly specific personal details in your public profile is risky. Avoid listing your exact workplace, your home address (obviously!), your full name, or overly specific details about your daily routine (“I jog through X park every morning at 6:30 AM”).
It’s wild how much people sometimes share online without thinking. Keep things general until you’ve established trust with someone through conversation (and maybe even a first meeting in a public place). Protect your privacy. You can reveal more as you get comfortable, but your initial profile isn’t the place for information that could compromise your safety.
Pitfall #8: Making it All About Your Kids (If Applicable)
If you’re a mum, your kids are likely your world, and that’s wonderful! It’s important to mention you have children, as it’s a significant part of your life and affects compatibility. However, making your entire profile about your kids – multiple photos solely of them, every sentence mentioning them – can unintentionally signal that you don’t have much space in your life for a partner or your own identity outside of motherhood.
It’s a tricky balance, for sure. Mention them, perhaps share one lovely photo of you with them (if you’re comfortable), but ensure your profile also highlights you – your interests, your personality, what you bring to a relationship as an individual. Potential partners want to date you, not just sign up to be a co-parent immediately.
Pitfall #9: Income Bragging or Gold-Digging Bait
Talking explicitly about money – either bragging about how much you make (“Looking for someone to keep up with my expensive tastes”) or implying you’re looking for someone wealthy (“Spoil me,” “Seeking a generous provider”) – often attracts the wrong kind of attention or comes across poorly.
While financial stability is important to many people, leading with it in your profile can seem crass or superficial. It reduces potential connections to transactions. Focus on compatibility in values, lifestyle, and personality. Genuine connections are built on more than just bank balances. Let financial discussions happen naturally much further down the line, if needed.
Pitfall #10: Trying Too Hard to Be “Cool” or Someone You’re Not
Maybe you’re trying to seem effortlessly cool, super edgy, overly intellectual, or like the ultimate “chill girl.” If it feels forced, people can usually tell. I remember trying way too hard to seem into obscure indie bands on a profile years ago because I thought it sounded cool – spoiler alert, it just led to awkward conversations when I couldn’t actually discuss them!
Authenticity is always the better route. Don’t pretend to love hiking if you hate it. Don’t act overly casual if you’re actually looking for something serious. Trying to maintain a persona is exhausting and ultimately filters in people who like the fake you, not the real you. Be unapologetically yourself – your vibe will attract your tribe.
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