Close Menu
  • Connection & Dating
    • Communication & Connection Skills
    • Early Relationship Stages
    • Modern Dating Dilemmas
    • Navigating Specific Dating Scenarios
    • Breakups, Healing, and Exes
  • Profile & Platform
    • Hinge Dating App: Functionality & Usage
    • Crafting Your Dating Profile
    • Dating App Guides: Hinge
    • Dating App Guides: Other Platforms
    • App Features & Privacy
    • Dating App Guides: Bumble
    • Profile Photos & Visuals
  • Relationship Safety
    • Safety & Red Flags
    • Relationship Dynamics & Growth
    • Men’s Psychology & Commitment
    • Date Etiquette and Early Stages
Facebook Instagram
Dating Man Secrets – Psychology Attraction Tips Revealed
  • Connection & Dating
    • Communication & Connection Skills
    • Early Relationship Stages
    • Modern Dating Dilemmas
    • Navigating Specific Dating Scenarios
    • Breakups, Healing, and Exes
  • Profile & Platform
    • Hinge Dating App: Functionality & Usage
    • Crafting Your Dating Profile
    • Dating App Guides: Hinge
    • Dating App Guides: Other Platforms
    • App Features & Privacy
    • Dating App Guides: Bumble
    • Profile Photos & Visuals
  • Relationship Safety
    • Safety & Red Flags
    • Relationship Dynamics & Growth
    • Men’s Psychology & Commitment
    • Date Etiquette and Early Stages
Dating Man Secrets – Psychology Attraction Tips Revealed
Home»Connection & Dating»Modern Dating Dilemmas
Modern Dating Dilemmas

Are We Dating or Hanging Out? How to Get an Answer

Marica SinkoBy Marica SinkoOctober 1, 2025Updated:October 1, 202520 Mins Read
Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
a woman dressed for a date sits opposite a man dressed casually showing the confusion between dating or hanging out
Table of Contents
  • Key Takeaways
  • Why Is This “Situationship” Thing Everywhere?
  • So, How Can I Tell if It’s a Date or Just a Hangout?
    • What Words Are They Using?
    • Who’s Planning This, Anyway? And When?
    • Is It Always a Late-Night Thing?
  • What Do Our “Hangouts” Actually Feel Like?
    • Is There Even a Hint of Romance?
    • Are We Always Splitting the Bill?
    • What Are We Actually Talking About?
  • How Do They Act When We’re Not Together?
    • Have I Met Any of Their Friends?
    • Do I Even Exist on Their Social Media?
    • Is the Communication Consistent?
  • Okay, I Have the Clues. Now What?
    • How Do I Even Start “The Talk”?
    • What Are Some Actual Words I Can Say?
  • What if They Don’t Give Me the Answer I Want?
    • What if They Give Me a Vague Non-Answer?
    • How Do I Walk Away if We Want Different Things?
      • Here’s how to move forward with your head held high:
  • Conclusion: The Power of Knowing
  • FAQ – Dating or Hanging Out

The door closes and you’re smiling. The conversation flowed, the laughter felt real, and the chemistry? Undeniable. You spend the next day with a goofy grin, replaying every moment, waiting for that next text to pop up. Then a friend hits you with the million-dollar question: “So, how are things going with [insert name here]?” You open your mouth to answer, and… nothing comes out. Are you seeing each other? Going on dates? Or are you just two friends who sometimes make out? And just like that, you’re in the gray area. The confusing, maddening purgatory of modern romance where you constantly have to ask yourself, are we dating or hanging out?

It’s a place so many of us get stuck in. You feel like you’re in something, but you have no idea what that “something” actually is. The lack of clarity is enough to make you crazy. It forces you to second-guess every single interaction, to analyze every text for some hidden meaning.

You deserve clarity. You need to know where you stand so you can either give your heart to this thing or decide it’s time to move on. This guide will help you decode the signals, understand the dynamics, and—most importantly—give you the confidence to get a real answer.

More in Modern Dating Dilemmas Category

Benching in Dating

Love Bombing

Key Takeaways

  • Words Matter: The language they use is a huge clue. “Let’s go on a date” hits different than “Wanna hang out sometime?”
  • Actions Show Intent: Consistent, planned, one-on-one time in public? That screams dating. Spontaneous, late-night meetups at their place? That leans heavily toward hanging out.
  • Integration is Everything: If they’re introducing you to their friends and family, they’re showing you they see a future. If you’re a secret, that’s also a sign.
  • A Vague Answer is an Answer: Someone who constantly avoids defining the relationship is telling you everything you need to know. They aren’t ready or willing to commit.
  • Your Voice is Your Power: At the end of the day, the only way to know for sure is to just ask. Having that direct conversation is your ticket out of confusion.

Why Is This “Situationship” Thing Everywhere?

If you feel like you’re trapped in a romantic holding pattern, it’s not just you. The “situationship”—more than friends, less than a couple—has become a weirdly normal part of dating. But why? How did we get here?

For one, dating apps have created a weird paradox of choice. We have a seemingly endless catalog of potential partners in our pockets. This creates a low-key pressure to keep looking, to see if someone “better” is just one more swipe away. It makes people hesitate to commit. They keep promising connections in a casual holding pattern, just in case the next profile is their soulmate. It’s a dating FOMO that keeps everyone at a safe distance.

On top of that, nobody wants to get hurt. Defining the relationship means putting your feelings out there, totally exposed. It means being brave enough to say, “Hey, I like you. I want this to be real.” That’s terrifying. For a lot of people, it feels way safer to just “go with the flow” and dodge the potential pain of finding out the other person isn’t on the same page. So, what happens? Both people end up in a silent standoff, waiting for the other to make a move, and the whole thing just stalls out in the gray area.

So, How Can I Tell if It’s a Date or Just a Hangout?

Before you can even think about having “the talk,” you need to get a handle on what’s actually happening between you two. The time you spend together is full of clues. You just have to know where to look. If you analyze the logistics, the language, and the general vibe, you can get a surprisingly clear picture of what they’re thinking.

What Words Are They Using?

The words they choose matter. A lot. Especially in these fragile early stages. If they text you, “I’d love to take you on a date this Friday,” the intention is completely clear. They’re using the D-word. They are signaling romance. But if the text says, “You wanna hang out this weekend?” or “Let’s chill sometime,” the meaning gets a lot murkier. Sure, some people are just naturally casual. But if they never use the word “date,” it could be a sign they are purposely keeping things vague. It’s a low-stakes way to see you that gives them an out if things feel more friendly than romantic. Pay attention. Is every invitation casual and non-committal? That’s your first big clue.

Who’s Planning This, Anyway? And When?

Spontaneity is fun. But when you’re trying to figure out someone’s intentions, planning is everything. A last-minute “Hey, you up?” text might give you a little thrill, but if that’s the only kind of invitation you ever get, it suggests you’re an afterthought. A convenient option.

Dating, on the other hand, takes effort. When someone is truly into you, they plan ahead. They’ll text on a Tuesday to make plans for Saturday. They’ll remember you wanted to try that new taco place and make a reservation. This kind of forethought shows they respect your time and actually want to lock you into their schedule. It’s a signal that they are intentionally making space for you in their life. That’s a massive indicator they see this as more than just a casual hangout.

Is It Always a Late-Night Thing?

Think about the clock. Are all of your get-togethers scheduled after 9 p.m.? Do they only happen at your place or theirs? If your time together is confined to the late-night hours and private settings, it’s a classic sign of a hookup situation. And that’s totally fine, if it’s what you both want.

But if you’re looking for a real relationship, you need to see if they want to be part of your actual life. You know, the one that happens when the sun is out. Daytime activities—grabbing coffee, hiking, visiting a museum, Sunday brunch—signal a totally different kind of interest. Those aren’t booty call hours. When they want to see you in the daylight, it shows they enjoy your company for more than just physical intimacy. It means they like being with you, period. That’s a cornerstone of a real relationship.

What Do Our “Hangouts” Actually Feel Like?

The vibe of your time together is probably the biggest piece of the puzzle. Two people can go to the same restaurant, but the energy between them tells the real story. You have to learn to read the room. Is this a date, or are you just two friends killing time?

I remember going out with a guy named David a few years back. He asked me to get coffee on a Sunday. On paper, it had all the makings of a date: he planned it, it was daytime, he paid. But the whole time, something felt… off. The conversation was fine, but it was all surface-level stuff about work and the weather.

There was zero flirting. No lingering eye contact. Not even an accidental hand-brush. He was a nice guy, but he had the energy of someone at a networking event. We said goodbye with an awkward, formal handshake. I walked away more confused than when I got there. The logistics said “date,” but the feeling screamed “friendly meeting.” That disconnect made me question if I’d made the whole initial spark up in my head.

Is There Even a Hint of Romance?

This is the bottom line: a date should feel different than grabbing a beer with your brother. You have to look for the little signs of romance. Do they ever compliment you? It doesn’t have to be some cheesy line, but a simple, “You look amazing tonight,” can say a lot. Is there flirting? That playful back-and-forth, the teasing, the inside jokes—that’s the stuff chemistry is made of.

Physical touch is another huge one. And I don’t just mean a kiss at the end of the night. Think about the small, almost unconscious touches. A hand on the small of your back. A touch on your arm while they’re making a point. Sitting next to you in a booth instead of across the table. These little gestures create a sense of closeness that’s more than just platonic. If that element is completely missing, you might just be hanging out.

Are We Always Splitting the Bill?

Let’s talk money. It can be awkward, but it’s also telling. In today’s world, there are no hard rules about who pays. Plenty of women prefer to go Dutch or take turns. But in those first few dates, it’s common for the person who did the asking to insist on paying. It’s a gesture. It shows they’re invested.

If you find that you are splitting every single check, every single time, it can create a more “friendly” or even transactional vibe. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it’s a data point. When someone is trying to court you, they often want to treat you. It’s a simple way of showing they care and are willing to invest in the experience. A rigid insistence on splitting everything might be a way for them to keep things from feeling too serious, both emotionally and financially.

What Are We Actually Talking About?

The stuff you talk about is a massive tell. When you’re together, does it stay light and fun, or do you ever go deeper? Friends talk about their day and gossip about celebrities. People who are dating do that too, but they also start to share the real stuff.

Are they asking you real questions about your life, your passions, your history? Are they sharing their own dreams and fears? Conversations about the future, past heartbreaks, and personal values are what build a real connection. If someone is only interested in something casual, they’re probably not going to invest the emotional energy it takes to have those conversations. They’ll keep you at a safe, surface-level distance. But if they’re genuinely trying to see if you’re a match, they’ll want to know what makes you tick.

How Do They Act When We’re Not Together?

What happens between your hangouts is just as important as what happens during them. Someone’s behavior when you’re apart reveals their true level of interest. A person looking for something casual will treat your time together like a series of one-off events. But someone who is thinking about a real relationship will start to weave you into the rest of their life.

I once spent a couple of months with a guy named Mark. When it was just the two of us, he was perfect. He planned amazing nights, we’d talk for hours, and the chemistry was off the charts. I was sure it was going somewhere. But then I noticed a weird pattern. Our relationship existed in a vacuum. Any time I suggested doing something in public on a weekend or casually mentioned him meeting my friends, he’d get vague and change the subject. He never invited me to meet his friends.

Our connection was completely private. It was the ultimate red flag. It was a clear sign that while he liked spending time with me, he had zero intention of making it a public relationship. He was getting all the benefits of a girlfriend with none of the commitment—a classic case of someone trying to have it both ways.

Have I Met Any of Their Friends?

This is the big one. The litmus test. A person’s friends are their chosen family. When they invite you to meet them, it’s a deliberate move. They’re saying, “This is my world, and I want you to be in it. I care what these people think, and I want to see if you fit.” It’s a huge step. It signals that they’re proud to be with you and that they see potential here.

On the flip side, if you’ve been seeing each other for months and you haven’t met a single friend—not even by accident—that’s a major warning sign. It means they’re compartmentalizing you. You might be their “Tuesday night person,” but you’re definitely not their plus-one.

Do I Even Exist on Their Social Media?

In our world, our digital lives are extensions of our real lives. While you shouldn’t judge a whole relationship based on social media, it can offer clues. I’m not saying they need to post a gushing tribute to you. It’s the little things.

Do they follow you on Instagram? Do they watch your stories? If a friend tags you in a photo together, do they just ignore it? These are tiny, low-effort ways to acknowledge your existence online. Someone who is actively hiding you—untagging photos, never liking your posts, making sure you’re never in the background of their stories—might be trying to keep up the appearance of being single. It’s a modern way of keeping their options open, and it’s a sign you should be wary.

Is the Communication Consistent?

The rhythm of your texting between hangouts says a lot. Is it a steady flow, or is it a roller coaster of feast and famine? Someone who is genuinely interested will want to stay in touch. This doesn’t mean they have to text you all day, every day. But there should be some continuity. They’ll send you a dumb meme, ask how that big meeting went, or just text “good morning.” These little check-ins show that you’re on their mind.

But if their communication is all over the place—intense texting one day, then radio silence for three—it suggests you’re not a priority. This hot-and-cold routine is often a way to keep you at a distance and manage your expectations so things don’t get too serious. Consistent communication builds intimacy. Inconsistent communication just builds anxiety.

Okay, I Have the Clues. Now What?

So you’ve played detective. You’ve analyzed the texts, decoded the body language, and tracked the consistency. You might have a pretty good idea of where you stand. But a strong hunch isn’t an answer. If you want real, undeniable clarity, you have to do the one thing everyone hates doing.

You have to talk about it.

This conversation—the “DTR” talk—can feel like the scariest thing in the world. But it’s also an act of self-respect. It’s you deciding your time and feelings are too valuable to keep investing in uncertainty. The key is to go into it not as a fight you need to win, but as a conversation where you’re just trying to get on the same page.

How Do I Even Start “The Talk”?

Going into this conversation prepared is the best way to make sure it goes well. This isn’t about giving them an ultimatum. It’s about getting answers. But before you can talk to them, you have to be honest with yourself. What do you actually want? Are you looking for a serious, exclusive relationship? Or would you be cool with something casual as long as they were just honest about it? Knowing what you want gives you a solid place to stand. Don’t go into it hoping they’ll figure it out for you. Know your goal first.

Once you’re clear on your own feelings, you can plan the talk itself.

  • Pick the Right Time and Place. Don’t do this over text or after a night of drinking. Choose a calm, neutral, private moment when you’re both relaxed. A walk in the park or a quiet night on the couch is perfect.
  • Use “I Feel” Statements. This is key. Frame it from your perspective so they don’t get defensive. Instead of “You never tell me what we are,” try, “I’m feeling a little confused about where we stand, and I’d love to know what you’re thinking.”
  • Start with the Positive. Kick things off by saying what you like about them. This shows the conversation is coming from a good place. Something like, “I’ve really been enjoying the time we’ve been spending together.”
  • Be Direct, but Gentle. You don’t have to beat around the bush, but your tone is everything. State what you need and ask your questions in a calm, open way.

What Are Some Actual Words I Can Say?

It helps to have a few phrases ready to go, ones you can make your own. The goal is to open a conversation, not read from a script.

Here are a few ways to start:

  • The Gentle Check-In: “I’ve had so much fun with you lately. Just so we’re on the same page, I wanted to see how you’re feeling about us.”
  • The Upfront and Honest: “I want to be straight with you. I’m looking for a real relationship, and I’m starting to like you a lot. I’m just wondering if that’s something you’re open to.”
  • The Vulnerable Approach: “I have to be honest, I’m starting to catch feelings, and for my own sake, I need a little clarity. I’m feeling a bit confused about what this is, and I was hoping you could tell me what you think.”
  • The Future-Oriented Question: “I know we’ve been taking things slow, which has been great. As we keep spending more time together, I’m just curious what you think about us being exclusive.”

What if They Don’t Give Me the Answer I Want?

This is the scary part. You’re putting it all out there, and they might not feel the same way. It’s so important to prepare yourself for any answer so you can handle it with grace and protect your heart.

What if They Give Me a Vague Non-Answer?

You have the talk, you lay it all out, and they hit you with… nothing. A word salad of vague phrases like, “I’m just going with the flow,” or “I don’t like labels,” or “Why do we have to rush things?”

Listen closely, because this is important: A vague answer is an answer. It is a loud, clear “no” to what you are asking for. As researchers at the University of Rochester point out, this kind of avoidance is a strategy to keep things exactly as they are—without any commitment. Someone who truly wants to be with you, who is genuinely scared of losing you, will not risk it by being vague when you ask for clarity. They will step up. The person who gives you vagueness is telling you they are not ready, willing, or able to give you what you need.

How Do I Walk Away if We Want Different Things?

If they tell you they aren’t looking for a relationship, or if they give you that vague non-answer, your next move is to choose yourself. It’s going to sting. It will be disappointing. But accepting their answer and walking away is an incredible act of self-love. It is so much better to feel the short-term pain of rejection than to endure months, or even years, of anxiety, waiting for someone to change their mind. They rarely do.

Thank them for their honesty. This isn’t about drama. It’s about gracefully leaving a situation that isn’t right for you. You can say something like, “Thanks for being honest with me, I appreciate it. Since we’re looking for different things, I don’t think we should keep doing this. I wish you the best.” You don’t need to justify your decision. You don’t need to convince them of anything. Their answer gave you the clarity you wanted. Now, use it.

Here’s how to move forward with your head held high:

  • Their answer is not about your worth. Their inability to commit is about them. It’s about where they are in their life. You are not “not enough”; you are just not a match for what they can offer right now.
  • Let yourself be sad. It’s okay to be disappointed that it didn’t work out. You invested feelings here. Let yourself grieve the future you imagined.
  • Reconnect with your life. Pour all that energy you were giving them back into yourself. Call your friends. Dive into a hobby. Do things that make you happy.
  • Trust that clarity is a gift. Even if the answer hurt, you are now free. You are no longer wasting your precious emotional energy on a dead end. You are now available to find someone who is excited and ready to build something real with you.

Conclusion: The Power of Knowing

Trying to figure out if you’re dating or hanging out is one of the most frustrating parts of modern romance. The uncertainty can mess with your head and leave you in a constant state of emotional limbo. But you have more power here than you realize. By paying attention to actions, listening to what’s not being said, and trusting your gut, you can get a much clearer picture.

But in the end, the most powerful tool you have is your own voice. The clarity you’re looking for won’t come from analyzing one more text. It will come when you decide you deserve an answer and you’re brave enough to ask for it. That conversation is scary, but it’s your key to peace of mind. Whether it leads to the start of a real relationship or the end of a situation that wasn’t right for you, getting an answer is always a win. You’re taking control of your love life, honoring what you need, and clearing the path for the kind of love you actually deserve.

FAQ – Dating or Hanging Out

a split image showing a couple on a formal date and then casually gaming questioning if they are dating or hanging out

Why is clarity so important in modern dating?

Clarity helps prevent emotional confusion and ensures both partners are on the same page. It allows you to make informed decisions about investing your time and feelings, reduces frustration, and helps you find a relationship that genuinely fulfills you. Asking for clarity through honest conversations is a powerful step toward healthy boundaries and authentic connection.

How do I start a conversation about defining our relationship?

Begin by choosing a calm, private time and using ‘I feel’ statements to express your feelings and concerns. Be honest about what you want and ask open-ended questions like, ‘Where do you see this going?’ or ‘Are you interested in being exclusive?’ starting the chat positively and gently.

What signals indicate that someone sees me as more than just a casual friend?

Signs include using romantic language, planning ahead for dates, introducing you to friends and family, engaging in daytime activities, flirting, giving compliments, and connecting with you on social media. Consistent communication and sharing personal stories also suggest a deeper interest.

How can I tell if I am dating or just hanging out with someone?

You can determine whether you are dating or just hanging out by paying attention to the language used, planned activities, level of intimacy, and whether your interactions happen primarily during daytime or late at night, among other clues. Clear signs of dating include intentional planning, daytime outings, flirtation, physical touch, and meeting friends.

author avatar
Marica Sinko
Hi, I'm Marica Sinko, creator of Dating Man Secrets. With over 10 years of experience, I'm here to give you clear dating advice to help you build strong, happy relationships and date with confidence. I'm here to support you every step of the way.
See Full Bio
Share. Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email

Related Posts

a woman sitting alone with two coffees at a cafe looking sadly at her phone as a clear representation of ghosting

The Psychology of Ghosting and How You Should Respond

October 1, 2025
a close-up of social media stories reflected in a mans eyes a visual cue for the meaning of he watches my stories

It’s True, He Watches My Stories but Never DMs Me

October 1, 2025
a woman sits alone on a park bench while other couples enjoy themselves in the background a metaphor for benching in dating

The Pain of Benching in Dating: Are You an Option?

October 1, 2025
a symbolic image illustrating why do men come back showing a man in a wild field looking back at a clear path leading to a familiar distant home Breakups, Healing, and Exes

The Real Reasons Why Do Men Come Back After So Long

By Marica SinkoSeptember 26, 2025

Just when you think you’ve finally turned the page, healed the scars, and your life…

How women transition from casual dating to an exclusive relationship smoothly Early Relationship Stages

How Women Transition From Dating To Exclusive Relationship

By Marica SinkoApril 1, 2025

Okay, this whole casual dating to maybe-something-more thing… it’s tricky, right? Thinking about how women…

Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Home
  • About us
  • Contact
  • LINKS
  • Terms of use
  • Privacy Policy
  • Careers
© 2025 Dating Man Secrets - Psychology Attraction Tips Revealed

Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.