It’s a strange kind of hurt. The kind you can’t really explain. Not to someone who hasn’t been there. It’s not just a sad thought. It’s a weight. A physical thing. A hollow spot in your chest that makes breathing feel like a chore. I know it. And when you hear yourself say it, maybe just a whisper, “I miss him so much,” you’re just telling the truth. The pain is real. It’s in your gut. And right now, it probably feels like it’s going to last forever.
I’ve been there. I remember sitting in my parked car, unable to move because a song we loved came on the radio. Just like that, the grief was a tidal wave. I had to pull over to breathe. I remember the weight of the phone in my hand, my thumb hovering over his contact, fighting a war inside myself. This isn’t going to be a cold, clinical list of things to do. This is a hand reaching out. From someone who has been in that same dark place and found a way out. This is for you. We’ll walk through it. Acknowledge the pain. And find a path forward. One step at a time.
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Key Takeaways
- That pain you feel in your chest? It’s real. Your body is reacting to a major loss, and that’s a normal biological response.
- When the feelings are too much, grounding techniques can pull you back to the present moment. It’s a temporary life raft.
- You have to actively build new routines. This is how you break the cycle of constant, painful reminders.
- Finding out who you are again, on your own, is the most important work you’ll do.
- Healing isn’t a straight line. Some days will be good, others will be awful. The goal is just to keep moving, not to be perfect.
Why Does It Hurt So Much When I Miss Him?
Getting why it hurts so much won’t make the pain disappear. But it can quiet that voice in your head that tells you you’re being dramatic. The force of what you’re feeling is just a mirror of the connection you lost. You are not overreacting. You’re having a deeply human reaction. Your body and brain are just trying to process a massive shock to your system.
Is it normal for my chest to physically ache?
Yes. One hundred percent. That crushing feeling is real. People talk about “broken heart syndrome,” and while the textbook medical version is rare, the experience of feeling real pain from emotional trauma is incredibly common. When you lose someone, your body is flooded with stress hormones.
It’s the same “fight or flight” your body would have if you were in physical danger. Your muscles get tight. Your heart can feel heavy. You can feel genuine aches and pains. After one breakup, I swear I had the flu for two weeks. My body was just swamped with stress. You’re not imagining it. That pain is your body telling you that you’re going through something serious.
Am I going crazy for thinking about him all the time?
Not even close. Your brain literally rewires itself for the person you love. Being with him, sharing a life—all of that creates a chemical comfort zone. When he’s gone, that chemical supply is cut off. Your brain goes into withdrawal. It scrambles to get its fix. It tempts you to check his social media. It screams at you to send that text.
It’s a neurological craving. I once burned an entire afternoon scrolling through old photos, just twisting the knife. I couldn’t stop. It felt like an addiction. When you see it for what it is—a biological process—you can take a little power back. You’re not “obsessed.” Your brain is just trying to cope with the sudden absence of its main source of comfort.
What Can I Do Right Now to Stop the Crying?
When a wave of grief hits, you feel like you’re drowning. In that moment, your goal isn’t to fix your whole life. It’s not about “getting over him” in five minutes. It’s just about surviving the next five minutes. Find an anchor.
How can I handle these overwhelming waves of sadness?
We try to fight the feeling. To push it down. To tell ourselves to stop. That never works. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. A better way is to just let the wave come. Acknowledge it. Don’t judge it. Just say to yourself, “Okay, this is a big wave of sadness. It hurts like hell. And that’s okay.” Then, bring your focus back to your body.
Try the 5-4-3-2-1 trick. Look around you and name:
- Five things you can see. A lamp. A crack in the ceiling. Your feet.
- Four things you can feel. The shirt on your back. The floor under you. Your phone.
- Three things you can hear. The fridge humming. A car. Your own breath.
- Two things you can smell. Anything. Nothing. It doesn’t matter.
- One thing you can taste.
This simple game yanks your brain out of the emotional storm and back to the present. The sadness is still there, but you have your feet on the ground again.
Is it okay to just distract myself for a little while?
Yes. But there’s a line between healthy distraction and just numbing yourself. Numbing is drinking, or jumping into something with someone new, or watching TV for 12 hours straight. Healthy distraction is just giving your brain a short, positive break.
I got really into complicated true crime podcasts. They were so dense they demanded all my focus. It was the only way to shut off the “I miss him” loop in my head. I wasn’t pretending I was okay. I was just giving myself an hour of peace. A healthy distraction is anything that absorbs you in a good way. Call a friend and ask about their day. Blast some music and clean one room. Go for a walk. These are acts of survival.
How Do I Get Through the Day When I Miss Him Constantly?
Getting through the day is the next big challenge. You have to start building a new reality, because the old one is a minefield. Memories are everywhere. And they all lead back to him.
Everything reminds me of him. How do I break the cycle?
You have to build new patterns. On purpose. A lot of the pain is triggered by the empty spaces. The morning text that isn’t there. The call on the drive home. The show you always watched. Your job is to fill those spaces with something new before the sadness gets there first.
Always woke up and checked for his text? Don’t. The second your eyes open, get up. Put on music. Stretch for five minutes. Make coffee and sit in a different chair. You have to break the old pattern. It will feel weird. It will feel forced. Do it anyway. There was a coffee shop we always went to. For a month, I couldn’t even drive past it. Then, I made my best friend go there with me. We sat in a different spot. We made it ours. It was hard, but it was a start.
Should I delete his number and block him on social media?
That’s up to you. But let me be blunt: you can’t heal a wound if you keep poking it. Seeing a picture of him out with friends, or with someone new? That’s not poking the wound. That’s taking a hammer to it. It will set you back weeks.
Blocking him isn’t about hate. It’s an act of self-preservation. You’re creating a clean space where you can actually heal. You’re removing the temptation to check up on him, which helps quiet that obsessive part of your brain. If “block” is too much, then “mute.” Unfollow his friends for a while. You need a space that is 100% yours. Free of ghosts. It’s one of the hardest and most important things you can do for yourself.
Am I Ever Going to Feel Like Myself Again?
This is the question that keeps you up at night. It feels like the person you were before is just… gone. Replaced by this sad, hollow version. I promise you, she is still in there. Buried under a lot of pain. Your job is to gently dig her out.
Who was I before him? I feel like I’ve lost myself.
In a big relationship, your lives get tangled up. “Me” becomes “we.” When the “we” is gone, it’s scary to feel like “me” is gone, too. So, it’s time to reintroduce yourself to yourself.
This can be a good thing. Get a notebook. What did you love to do as a kid? What did you like before him? What’s something you always wanted to try but didn’t?
- Find old passions. Did you like to paint? Play guitar? Do it for 15 minutes this week.
- Find your people. Call that friend you’ve been meaning to call. Make plans. Reinvest in the relationships that are just yours.
- Try something new. A pottery class. A new hiking trail. A free online course. Doing new things builds new roads in your brain. It proves your life is still moving forward.
This isn’t about pretending he never existed. It’s about remembering you were a whole person before him. You’ll be a whole person after him, too.
Can I turn this pain into something positive?
It sounds like a cheap cliché when you’re in the middle of it, but heartbreak can be a powerful fuel for change. Scientists call it post-traumatic growth. It just means that going through hell can sometimes lead to profound positive changes. As noted by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, the hard work of rebuilding your life after a loss can make you stronger and wiser.
Right now, you’re just trying to survive. But eventually, you’ll go from “How do I get through this?” to “What did I learn from this?” This pain is showing you how tough you are. It’s showing you what you really need in a partner. It’s showing you your own strength. One day, you will look back on this time not just as an ending, but as the messy, painful, essential beginning of your next chapter.
What if I still miss him months or even years later?
Healing isn’t a race with a finish line. It’s a messy, winding road with potholes. You’ll have good days. You’ll have good weeks. And then a song, or a smell, or a random Tuesday will knock you right back down. That is not a failure. It’s just proof that the love was real.
The goal isn’t to forget him. The goal is for the memory to stop hurting so much. The pain will change. The sharp, stabbing ache will soften into a dull, quiet pang. You’ll be able to think of him and feel a little sad for what was lost, but it won’t ruin your day. Missing him will become a small part of your story. Not the whole story. It’s okay if a part of you always loves a part of him. It just means you have a big heart.
Building a New Life I Love
This last part is about shifting your focus. It’s not about what you lost anymore. It’s about creating a life that is so full and good on its own that a relationship is a great addition, not the entire structure.
How do I stop feeling so lonely?
The loneliness after a breakup is a beast. The only way to fight it is with connection. But not just romantic connection. This is your chance to strengthen all the other loving bonds in your life.
- Invest in your friends. Be the one who sends the text. Make the plans. Show up for them.
- Connect with your community. A book club. A volunteer group. A hiking club. Doing things with people is a low-pressure way to feel less alone.
- Get comfortable with your own company. This is a superpower. Take yourself on a date. Go to a movie. Eat at a nice restaurant with a book. When you learn to enjoy your own solitude, loneliness loses its power.
Am I ready to date again? And how will I know?
There’s no calendar for this. You’re the only one who knows. But here are some signs: you’re probably ready when the idea of a first date sounds more fun than terrifying. You’re ready when you want someone to add to your happy life, not fix your broken one.
Ask yourself: “Am I trying to replace him, or am I open to meeting someone totally new?” If you’re just comparing everyone to your ex, you need more time. And that is perfectly fine. Protect your heart. Don’t rush back out there because you’re lonely. Wait until it feels like a hopeful choice, not a desperate one.
The Pain You Feel Is Proof of the Love You Gave
Right now, this ache feels like a curse. But try to see it another way. This deep, gut-wrenching pain is the mirror image of the deep, beautiful love you were capable of giving. It hurts this much only because it mattered this much.
Be kind to yourself. Let yourself fall apart. Feel all of it. You can’t go around the grief; you have to go through it. But it will not swallow you whole. You will come out the other side stronger and wiser. The ache will lessen. The tears will slow down. And one day, you’ll wake up, the sun will be shining, and you will just be okay. You really will.
FAQ – I Miss Him
Will I ever feel like myself again after a breakup?
Yes. While you may feel lost or changed, your true self remains underneath the pain. Reconnecting with old passions, revisiting who you were before, and building new routines can help you rediscover and reassemble your identity.
Should I block or delete my ex’s social media to help me heal?
Blocking or muting your ex’s accounts is a helpful act of self-preservation, as it removes temptation and prevents triggers that could set back your healing process. Creating a space free of reminders supports your emotional recovery.
What can I do right now to manage overwhelming feelings of grief and stop crying?
In moments of intense grief, acknowledge your feelings instead of fighting them. Using the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique helps by redirecting your focus to your surroundings, making the emotion temporarily more manageable.
Is thinking about someone constantly a sign of obsession or normal brain response?
It is a normal neurological response, as your brain rewires itself to seek the comfort associated with that person. Replaying memories and checking social media are part of your brain’s way of coping with their absence.
Why does missing someone feel like a physical pain?
Missing someone creates a real, physical sensation because your body responds to loss with stress hormones, leading to feelings like a heavy chest or ache, similar to ‘broken heart syndrome.’ This is a normal biological reaction to emotional pain.
